Friday, November 04, 2016

The FD's assistant may not be quite right for the job

The company personnel department had carefully interviewed thirty-eight people for the job of assistant to the financial director.

The chief executive thought that one candidate - Charles - seemed ideal.

Charles had been to a major public school. Not only was he a qualified accountant, but Charles also had a masters degree in business administration. He seemed fully aware of the latest creative accountancy techniques.

'Charles,' said the chief executive, we've decided to offer you the job. And as you're so well qualified we've decided to start you off on a slightly higher salary than the one advertised. We'll pay you £36,000 a year.

'Thank you,' replied Charles. 'But how much is that per month?

Found on the KEEPERS ACCOUNTANCY website.

Friday, October 28, 2016

How strong is HMRC's case?

Years ago a senior official was talking about HMRC prosecution policy. He mentioned an occasion when he had lost a case and went back to his legal advisers to find out what had gone wrong.

"I thought you'd told me you thought we had a very strong case" he said. "So why did we lose?"

"Aha" said the lawyer, "You asked me what I thought and I told you that I felt that we had a very strong case. That was all you wanted to know.

Had you asked I'd have told you that I also thought the other side had a very strong case too."

Friday, October 21, 2016

The Alligator and the Tax Collector

A man walks into a restaurant with his pet alligator under his arm.

“Do you serve tax collectors?” he asks the barman.

“Of course” says the barman.

“Well” replies the man, “I’ll have a beer, and my alligator will have a tax collector.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Tax avoidance schemes - an odd way to define what's legal and what isn't.

It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing.    

Sounds weird but it's true. Sort of.

The actual law has had its wording twisted to make it seem funnier. The law actually requires a person to disclose schemes that are deliberately designed to avoid tax which would otherwise be due to HMRC.

Apparently it is an oversimplification of the Tax Avoidance Scheme Regs 2006, S.I. 2006 No 1543.

Friday, October 07, 2016

Rants against Tax Dodgers from The Last Leg

The clip below, from The Last Leg tv show includes some funny rants against those who avoid tax and accountants who promote tax avoidance schemes!

Bad language alert!




Friday, September 30, 2016

An accountant goes to the doctor....

An accountant knocks on the door of his doctor's surgery and walks in.
"Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye."
With that he turns around and walks out.

30 seconds later he is back. "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."

The Doctor stands up behind his desk, looks the accoutant straight in the eye and says:
"Mmm. I think you have a serious case of double entry."

Friday, September 23, 2016

David Mitchell's funny explanation of tax avoidance

There are some great quotes in this clip which sees David Mitchell answering questions about tax avoidance during an interview on The Last Leg TV show in 2105.

"Vanilla flavoured. Less than vanilla, unflavoured tax avoidance"

At the other end of the spectrum, "Gary Bartlow's evil flavoured" tax avoidance

Tax avoidance involves "50 shades of grey. And that's not an ice cream flavour anyone wants!"

"Legal loopholes allowing tax avoidance mean the government is “taxing conscience” – the more of a conscience you have, the more you pay – and that isn’t right"

"We're taxing being nice"

Bad language alert in this clip: