Friday, March 15, 2024

HOW strong is HMRC's case?

Years ago a senior official was talking about HMRC prosecution policy. He mentioned an occasion when he had lost a case and went back to his legal advisers to find out what had gone wrong.


"I thought you'd told me you thought we had a very strong case" he said. "So why did we lose?"

"Aha" said the lawyer, "You asked me what I thought and I told you that I felt that we had a very strong case. That was all you wanted to know.

Had you asked I'd have told you that I also thought the other side had a very strong case too."

Friday, March 08, 2024

Money, Money, Money - fun quotes

 "There's money. And then there's MY money"

- Anonymous client to accountant about funding a forthcoming tax bill

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons"
- Woody Allen

"I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money"
- George Burns

"One of the mysteries of human conduct is why adult men and women are ready to sign documents they have not read, at the behest of salesmen they don't know, binding them to pay for articles they do not want, with money they do not have."
- Gerald Hurst,  

"Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly to you while he's overcharging you."
- Kin Hubbard

"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."
- Ilie Nastase

Friday, March 01, 2024

Accountants are so annoying (in rhyme)

He sits at his desk 
With his horn-rimmed specs 
Doing sums on a calculator 

And come rain or shine 
You know bloody fine 
There's a bill to pay sooner or later. 

He adds and subtracts 
And works out your tax 
Messing about with the figures. 

You've done fairly well 
So how in the hell 
Is that overdraft still gettin' bigger? 

Those accounts are too much 
It's all double dutch 
So you 'phone up for him to explain. 

But his office PA says 'haven't you heard' 
He's away in his office in Spain." 

Henry Brewis in the Farming Press. As reported in 'The Bottom line' by Vaines and Nuttall

Friday, February 23, 2024

Justifying why NOT to file tax returns

The following are a summary of some of the points argued by a Mr Bell in letters to HMRC and the lower tier Tax Tribunal as to why he considered that he was not required to file tax returns:

---
As all humans are created equal, government and the making of legislation requires the consent of the governed

All humans have an absolute right to own property which is gained as a result of their own efforts. Taxation imposed by HMRC is coercive seizure of rightfully held property and cannot be justified.

It is essential that HMRC issue Mr Bell with a statement that they recognise that it is the right of the UK people to govern themselves, and that every individual owns the right to property. Failure to do so demonstrates total absence of bone fide intent on the part of HMRC, in that they are knowingly complicit in Parliament's attempts to strip us of these fundamental rights through the machinery of the law

Liberty is valued second only to life itself

Peaceful resolution of dispute requires submission to reason
---

Unsurprisingly these arguments were unsuccessful!

Bell v Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs [2009] UKFTT 270 (TC)

Friday, February 16, 2024

The 10 commandments for clients of accountants

1. You shall have no other advisers beyond me

2. You shall not make for yourself any graven image of a tax inspector to throw darts at.

3. You shall not take the name of the Chancellor in vain (more than once a week)

4. Remember the 31st of January to keep it holy. If you have not saved up to pay your tax by then, you may as well rest on that day.

5. Honour your accountant and tax adviser, who are doing a very good job for you.

6. You shall not murder or evade tax (but avoidance is ok - sometimes).

7. You shall not commit adultery – because marriage is tax efficient.

8. You shall not steal or hide cash offshore.

9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour, unless your neighbour is a benefits thief or a Lord who has defrauded the public.

10. You shall not covet your neighbour’s personal services company, family trust or low tax bill (as YOUR circumstances are different!)

Friday, February 09, 2024

What do you call HMRC?

His Majesty's Revenue and Customs is typically only ever referenced as HMRC.

Not everyone uses the acronym politely. A couple of variations I have heard are:

HM Mars C - emphasising that negotiations can be warlike (Mars being the Greek god of war)

and

HM Arsy - an equally negative sounding approach.

Any more?

Friday, February 02, 2024

VAT deregistration on death

An older accountant told me what happened to a client after they had died.

The accountant had notified HMRC of the death and deregistered the client from VAT.

Imagine the accountant's surprise to then receive been told nby the client's widow of a follow up letter sent to her deceased husband.

The VAT office letter said: 

"We are sorry to learn of your recent demise. We have processed your request for deregistration but if at any time in the future you become liable to be VAT registered again, you should apply to this office for a new VAT number."

HOW strong is HMRC's case?

Years ago a senior official was talking about HMRC prosecution policy. He mentioned an occasion when he had lost a case and went back to his...