The lighter side of accountancy and tax

The following were proposed in jest by Simon Sweetman on AccountingWeb:
a Twitter tax, levied at .001p per tweet an iPhone tax, levied only for boasting about what it can doa tax on the downloading of tracks simply as part of a campaign to get a Christmas number one a Wii tax levied on the breaking of household objectsa tax on irritating ringtones, doubled for Christmas onesa tax on plastic packaging for toys that needs an entrenching tool and a pneumatic drill to opena tax on muzak and double for Christmas muzak, treble for Christmas muzak before DecemberAs Simon says, with all these: "We should be well on the way to clearing the national debt – just need a few more suggestions..."

The news that aRon Howard taxman comedy lands at Fox was reported by Reuters in September.
It will be written by Brent Forrester, writer-director on another workplace comedy, NBC's "The Office." Forrester and Howard are executive producing with Howard's partners at Imagine TV, Brian Grazer and David Nevins."It's an idea Ron had toyed with for many years as a feature," Nevins said. "Eventually, Brian and I convinced him it would be better as a TV show."The three met with several writers until hitting it off with Forrester."The one thing that unites all Americans is their suspicion and hatred for the IRS," Forrester said. "That makes the characters on the show underdogs, because outside the office everyone is suspicious of them." The IRS agent at the center "is trying hard to believe that his job is good and noble and provides a very important, vital service," Forrester said. "It's a classic workplace …

This is a perfectly feasible scenario of the type I warned about on the TaxBuzz blog earlier in the year: HMRC investigating posts on social media. But do see the note at the very end below!
Mark Krowly didn't take kindly to IRS agent Gerald Fitts making a YouTube video warning potential tax dodgers to look out this season; he told the IRS to "f--k off" during a 197 character rant that may have led to his audit.

Krowly says he was angry the IRS would invade a "peaceful hamlet like YouTube with fussy, veiled threats," and was investigated by the IRS shortly after leaving his comment, a comment he admits crossed the line.

"I basically challenged the legitimacy of the tax, as well as the legitimacy of Mr. Fitts' birth," he said.

Before being audited he received dozens of emails from concerned YouTube citizens who warned him he might need to get his financial affairs in order. Krowly realized at that point he was "pretty much toast."

When he tri…

As reported by an anonymous contributor on AccountingWeb, using the pseudonym 'Welsh dragon':
We took over a client a few years ago. The reason he had decided to move was that on Christmas eve he had telephoned his accountant and said to him that he and a few colleagues were in the pub next to the accountant's offices and would the accountant like to join them. The accountant said "no".
Next time the client received a bill from the accountant he noticed that he had been charged for the accountant taking that 'phone call.
That single entry cost the accountant a client - and no, it wasn't the well known firm of Scrooge & Marley.

First line: On the first day of Taxmas the taxman sent to me:
- A rejection of my time to pay plea

The second verse:

On the second day of Taxmas, the taxman sent to me
- Two demand notes and
- A rejection of my time to pay plea

...and so forth. The last verse is:

On the twelfth day of Taxmas, the taxman sent to me
Twelve months to pay my debt
Eleven penalty charges
Ten confusing statements of account
Nine booklets on 'How to complain'
Eight explanatory leaflets
Seven website links
Six excuses for the delay
Five more queries
Four VAT returns to file
Three blank tax returns
Two demand notes and
One reluctant acceptance of my time to pay plea.

When I had the idea for this I checked online and found there was an old US version of the 12 days of Taxmas.Mine was developed independently.

An Accountant dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter starts asking him all the usual questions required to get into heaven.
The accountant, it seems, has repeatedly helped people cheat on their taxes and embezzle funds. Finally, in exasperation, St Peter asks, “Well, have you ever done anything good, anything totally unselfish and altruistic in your entire life?”
“Well,” says the accountant, “Once I saw this pretty lady being beaten up by a bunch of hoodies. So I yelled “Hey jerks, why don’t you pick on somebody your own size” and then I reached for my mobile phone to call the police, and took off running. They forgot about her for a second and she managed to run also.Saint Peter asks, “I’m looking through the book of your life, and I don’t see this incident recorded. When did it occur?” The accountant replies, “About five minutes ago.”

The following were the ten points argued by a Mr Bell in letters to HMRC and the lower tier Tax Tribunal recently as to why he considers that he is not required to file tax returns:

(1) As all humans are created equal, government and the making of legislation requires the consent of the governed

(2) As a result of the UK joining the EEC, the UK has ceded its sovereignty to (what is now) the EU. In doing so it acted dishonestly and abused the process of law making to pursue a course of action which is contrary to its primary purpose thereby negating the sole source of its legitimacy. Laws promulgated by Parliament therefore no longer have the consent of the governed and are therefore no longer binding.

(3) All humans have an absolute right to own property which is gained as a result of their own efforts. Taxation is necessary to pay for government service. Rightful taxation can only be by contract as payment for government service. Since the UK government and Parliament are no lo…

AccountancyAge kindly asked me to supply 100 words on what the tax profession might look like in 40 years time. They published my vision last week.

Imagine my surprise to note that the only other tax vision they published was that of Dave Hartnett who took the invitation a little more seriously than did I. Here's what I have forecast.
There will be only two remaining professional bodies for tax agents. Businesses
will tend to seek tax advice from registered accountants but private clients
will prefer registered tax advisers as tax is more important to them than
accountancy. Registered tax advisers will typically work alone or be employed by registered accountants, by lawyers or by big brands such as RAAC, Tescobury, InsurancesDirect, The National Bank or The European Public Library and Computer Service. All registered tax advisers will have a revenue officer liaison opposite (ROLO) as their direct contact point in His Majesty’s Revenue Collection Service.

What do you think?

All of the following trained to be accountants - in some cases, not for very long but found fame through other talents and skills:
Arnold Brown - "Possibly the only Glaswegian Jewish ex-chartered accountant stand up comedian in the world".Eddie Izzard - failed accountancy student who turned to surreal stand-up comedy and acting. His father was Harold Izzard, a former president of the institute of internal auditors and chief auditor of BP.Robert Plant - gave up accountancy training to sing for the rock band Led Zeppelin.David Graveney OBE - former chairman of the England Test selectors (1997 until 2008).John Grisham - the novelist is well known for being a lawyer prior to his writing career. His first degree however was in Accounting from Mississippi State University.Bob Newhart - American funny man who got his first job out of the army working as an accountant in downtown Chicago.Alan ("Fluff") Freeman - DJ Alan Freeman worked as an assistant paymaster/accountant fo…

BMW ads have featured this line for around 12 months but I saw it for the first time only yesterday.

What is it trying to say to the reader?

What accountant-like qualities are being implied?

All views welcome - by way of comments below please.

"The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling"

- Paula Poundstone (American Stand up Comedienne) - as reported on twitter by @DianeKennedyCPA

American funny man Bob Newhart originally trained to be an accountant. He explains that when attempting reconciliations he reckoned that:
"as long as you got within two or three bucks of it, you were all right. But that didn’t catch on … At the end of the day I had to balance the petty cash with the slips—every time you give out money you had to get a slip. It had to balance. Well, I’d be there for three or four hours tying to figure out where the last dollar or dime went to. So finally I’d just take it out of my pocket and I’d put it in. If there were two dollars leftover, I’d take it out … And they told me you can’t do that. You gotta find it. I said, “you’re paying me five dollars an hour to find two cents—it doesn’t make sense.” So I wasn’t a very good accountant."
His 1988 biography quotes Newhart as saying that if he hadn’t taken a gamble with comedy he would still be an accountant: “Keep in mind, when I started in the late fifties, I didn’t …

It's been a while since I last posted some of the more amusing tweets that deserve a place on this blog:

When i was younger, i remember my mom joked and told some1 she had me just for the tax deduction. the irony? her son is now an accountant.
- Diggy0383

I've just handed over 2 years worth of receipts, bank statements and phone bills. Now Mr Accountant, go and work your tax liability magic
- SimonRossyRoss

Meetings with accountant and web designer today. Tax codes and source codes in one day! No jargon please Rod and David.
- gilarthurgood

just ask an accountant any kind of financial/tax question and see if the reply doesn't start with, "It depends..."
-Writing_is_fun

A few things in life that i have learned that u need #1 is (GOD), a tax accountant,lawyer and a good doctor
-1teemack

The way some people's minds work!

Full marks though to Tony Sanchez for suggesting the title of a new TV show: How to do tax advice naked.

This was Tony's inspired reaction as to where I will heading next after he read a short note I posted recently on twitter: Just been approached out of the blue by a fashion and beauty journalist for tax comment on a story that was in the news in September. Huh?

The first responsewas provided by Mike Smith who asked:
Were you surprised they didn't want a fashion and beauty comment Mark ? ;-)

Anyone else feel inspired to comment here perhaps?

Towards the end of his speech at last night's Hardman memorial lectureDave Hartnett mentioned that HMRC were planning to introduce an annual award; it will be presented to the individual, practice or company which HMRC considers has made the biggest contribution to transparency in the tax sector.

Dave said the audience should get too excited however as the award would not be valuable, nor he hoped, taxable!

As I arrived at the ICAEW for last night's Hardman memorial lecture, Dave Hartnett spotted me and came over to say hello. He also promised an end to his recurring joshing - ever since the 2003 Wyman Debate which I chaired. By Dave's own admission his teasing at a recent Treasury event was a little pointed. That aside I've taken the teasing with good humour.

When the lecture started, Dave was introduced by Chris Sanger who made reference to the outcome of the 2003 Wyman debate. Chris noted that Dave had led the opposition to the motion: "This House believes that tax is not a moral issue – it’s purely a matter of law" and then referred to the official outcome of the debate which I've written about previously on this blog: Dave Hartnett thinks accountants can't count - and it's my fault

After Chris's intro Dave mounted the platform and immediately departed from his prepared script. He told the audience of how he'd met me earlier in the evening and …

Do we laugh or cry?

At the The National Business Awards ceremony last night one of the awards was for The Marketing Strategy of the Year.
"This Award will be made for a specific marketing campaign in the period 1st Jan 2008 to 31st May 2009 that has achieved high levels of commercial success for the relevant product or service. The judges will look for innovation and a clearly expressed and articulated objective led campaign strategy leading to measurable and verifiable business results."The shortlist of finalists included:
Aviva Great Lengths Hair King of Shaves Nationwide Autocentre Resonates Swiftcover.com The British Heart Foundation Toptable UnileverAnd the winner of the Marketing Strategy of the Year Award is: HMRC, London, SW1A 2HQ

I note that the keynote speaker was Alistair Darling, The Chancellor of the Exchequer. Some might suggest that he's ultimately the Minister responsible for HMRC. A coincidence I'm sure.
During his speech he did correct those who mi…

Copied with due credit from an anonymous posting on AccountingWeb
We will:Treat you as dishonest, believing you are willing to pay whatever we dream up, stop you from appealing or reducing your bill, unless you are an MP. Respect you to the same standard we treat our staff. We aim to treat everyone the same, but some better than others.Provide you with inaccurate information, creating extra stress, work and costs for you and our staff, hoping to make it hard for everyone who tries to get things right.Recognise your right to be represented by someone else, then undermine them as a route to increasing costs and stress on you and thereby destroying your will to resist.Pursue relentlessly those that break or bend the rules, then promote them.Lose the information that we hold about you. Expediency and plausible deniability are cornerstones of our Data Protection policy. What we expect of you:Trust us, we are from the government and are here to help you. You need our help because you don’t k…

It is the month of August, on the shores of the Mediterranean Sea it is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.

He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to choose one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.

The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute who in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel propriet…

"If we can bring one little smile to one little face today, then somebody's slipped up somewhere."
- Sir David Frost

Some firms merge.
Sometimes one firm acquires the other.
Sometimes this is referred to as a takeover.

Recently I heard that, back in 2002 when Andersens went into Deloitte, the words 'merger', 'acquisition' and 'takeover' were all banned. Instead staff and partners were instructed that the correct and only word to use was simply, the 'transaction'.

Perhaps this was to avoid references to my preferred description of so many such 'transactions' - a mergeover.

Sadly I have to admit that I am Genuinely Interested in Tax (GIT).

Who else fits this description?

I think it was Tony Jenkins who I first heard admitting he was a sad GIT (for the same reason)

So, what happens when you forward an obvious scam tax refund e-mail to HMRC?

Peter Lashmar received this automated reply:
-----------
Subject: Inappropriate Attachment

The following email message contains an unacceptable attachment and has been blocked.

From: peter@xxxxxxxx
To: phishing@hmrc.gsi.gov.uk
Subject: FW: Recalculation of your fiscal acitivity
Date: 10/20/09
Time: 14:01:23

The Sender should contact the addressee to discuss an alternative method of sending the information.

The blocked message will be deleted after 30 days.
----------------
In other words HMRC's spam blocker blocks the very messages that HMRC is asking people to forward to them. Doh!

During his presentation at Dave Hartnett's Business Breakfast at the Treasury yesterday morning, Richard Murphy reminded us that his wife is a doctor.

Apparently she has diagnosed him as having what he suspects is a terminal disease - Excitement by Taxation!

One day king Gordon called to the palace his chief tax collector, Dave. ‘I really must have some more taxes’ said the king ‘otherwise I will not have anything to pay my servants (and that includes you, by the way). But I don’t want to annoy my subjects, so what can we do?’‘We don’t need any new laws’ explained Dave ‘in fact you could just issue a proclamation that from now on we will expect your subjects and especially the bankers to forget the actual wording of the law and instead act in accordance with your Majesty’s intentions when making those laws. No one need bother about the written laws ever again! We could call this concept “the spirit of the law”.’‘But how do I know what my intentions were?’ exclaimed the king, ‘I just pass the laws you give me.’‘Sire, I shall be more than happy to tell your Majesty what your Majesty’s intentions were, should the need ever arise’ beamed Dave, bowing lowly.Adapted from a wonderful fairy tale penned by Trevor Johnson, a senior technical editor…